How is it?

How is it that I can call myself a messenger of God? How is it that I can call myself a Prophet? How is it that I can call myself a Spiritual Leader? These three statements seem contrary to everything most people know about me. They have long seen me as fun-loving, sarcastic, funny, earthy and singularly generous – but spiritual doesn’t seem to fit with my image. I have lived life fully. I have loved many women. I have had girlfriends while I was married. I have had young girlfriends. I have had an active sex life. I enjoy to gamble – particularly Texas Hold’em Poker. I have openly shared all of this. I don’t seem to understand what the word discreet means. I seem to have reveled in living an unrighteous life.

Now I come along and announce I am retiring to write a book – a spiritual book. Not just any spiritual book but one that I claim I am receiving from God. I openly have declared that I hear the Voice of God. Suddenly I have revealed that I am not just a spiritual person, but a deeply spiritual person. Yet, I have not regularly attended church services in over a decade. How can I expect others to accept this aspect of me? How is it that I can say and do these things?

I want you to know that I have struggled over the last few weeks on how to answer this question. I have decided that about the only way I can do so is to share some of my writings about this subject and I will do so in a bit. I do wish to clarify that I said I was deeply spiritual and I did not say I am deeply religious. It is possible to be both but my spirituality seems to work best beyond the confines of organized religion.

I also would like you to know that I didn’t suddenly decide to make this change in my life. Over the last few years through my writings, I have been prepared for this move to Oregon and to write this book. It only comes as surprise to you, because I have finally come out of the I Talk to God closet. A few people knew and have had an insiders view of this Journey of the Heart. This has been the one area of my life that I have been discrete about and did not openly share it. Not out of shame, or fear of admitting to it, but out of fear that it would be misunderstood, ridiculed and disrespected. This ability to talk to God is very precious to me and I would not have it dishonored. At the same time, I wanted to honor others beliefs even if they are counter to some of mine. I had no need to evangelize. I have no need to defend my beliefs. And this article is not an effort to defend them but to offer an explanation that others might better understand my journey of the heart.

What I am about to say may sound arrogant to you but I assure you I am not being so. I have no need for you to believe that I hear the Voice of God. I have no need for you believe in my writings or that I am indeed a Messenger of God, a Prophet or a Spiritual Leader. It is enough for me, that I believe. It is enough for me that God believes. Such is my faith. It is up to you to decide if what I am sharing rings true to you. Please take the time to read this paragraph again. Instead of arrogance, imagine you are hearing the voice of a quiet and firm faith. Notice how it changes the meaning.

I hear the Voice of God. I know that many reading this think that is impossible. There is nothing I can say or do that is going to convince you that I hear the Voice of God. It is too far fetched for some. It is nearly beyond belief. In fact, it may be beyond your belief. I am asking you to transcend that thought – at least for the duration of this article. Let’s just suppose that it IS possible. I’m going to ask you to transcend another thought – that if it is indeed possible to talk to God – why on earth would He choose me to be His Messenger. For the rest of this article, let us leave judgment behind us and open our minds and hearts to the possibilities.

Before I go on, I am going to ask you a question. A deep and meaningful question. What would you do if you could hear the Voice of God? Hold that thought as you read on.

Now, if you really want to know the answer to How is it then you are going to have to do some reading. The answer cannot be told in a few paragraphs. Or even a few pages. It took many writings over several years for me to find the answers for myself. I have compiled several that seem meaningful. Please keep in mind that I am editing for content but am not taking the excerpts out of context. I have used . . . to indicate that there’s more to the writing than what I include in the excerpt. Along the way, you will learn that God and I often talked about being here in Oregon and the timing of this move. I will remind you that this move came in God’s perfect timing – not mine. Throughout this article God's Voice is in this color.

~ an excerpt from Thursday, August 9, 2007

. . . I continue to marvel at the thought of leaving. It is nearly unbelievable that the time is finally here for me to leave. I have spoken with my co-workers about leaving to go to Oregon to write. I doubt that many of them think I am serious.

More than a few. Several do know you are a very spiritual person. Others confuse being a spiritual person with a religious person. Their concept of such does not include a man who swears or a man who openly declares he has a wife and a girlfriend or a man who’s girlfriend is so much younger than himself, or a man who obviously enjoys sex so much. But they are confusing morality with religion and religion with spirituality. It is good that you help to change their concept.

For the very reasons you list I question if I am a good example of a spiritual leader.

It is because of those things that you indeed do make a very fine spiritual leader. You are a real flesh and blood man. You live life fully. With few excuses but always with spiritual reasons. You are living a spiritual life. Each of the things on the above list have spiritual reasons behind them. Okay, so maybe liking to swear doesn’t have a spiritual reason behind it – but it is damn fun. So many people get caught up in their preconceived idea that they miss the very real life experience of living a spiritual life. . .

Another couple of excerpts from August of 2007. The next excerpts are about my family but they also represent a real microcosm of the rest of the world. At times, I am overwhelmed by what I have set in motion by making this move to Oregon and writing this book. There is no going back. I could stop now and still people would think differently of me.

~ an excerpt from Sunday, August 12, 2007

. . . Oregon is always on your mind. As it should be.

So I’m not obsessed about it?

Not any more than I am.

That’s not saying much – you bring up the subject as often as I do.

(chuckling) You are correct. Perhaps we both are a little obsessed. There is nothing wrong in this at this time. Oregon represents some very big changes in your life. Very big. Perhaps even the biggest. It takes great faith to make such changes. With your permission, that is what I would like to talk about today.

That would be okay. Maybe you’ll answer my questions naturally in the dialogue.

We can discuss that now. You wonder about your family and if you are seeing some of them for the last time.

I do.

The answer is that you will return to other reunions but you will not be the same person as you are today. Fame is going to touch you and because of that, in many ways, you will quit being “Ricky.” The will start to see you as so much more than what they see you as today.

Today you are crazy cousin Ricky. You are very gregarious and fun-loving. They also see you as a leader. They like your sincerity and sense of fun that you bring to the reunion. Only a few know you as so much more. These few know you as a very spiritual person. Some see you as a very wise person. Even now there are some who doubt “this whole business of him talking with God. This whole writing business.” Fewer still know of your psychic abilities. Only those who have experienced you in all of you glory can appreciate the talents and skills you bring to your counsel with them. So few are aware. That changes with our book.

I was afraid of that.

I know you are. The book that we are to write will expose you in ways that you have never been exposed.

I was afraid of that as well.

Yet you are willing?

My dear God, my life has been far from easy. It has been extraordinary in many ways – but not easy. Even saying that I can also say I am at peace and harmony. If I could give that peace to others then I would gladly do so. If the means of giving it to them is by sharing my life -- including sharing intimate details that I would rather not share – then so be it. I AM willing even if I may not like the consequences of my actions.

You will like most of the consequences but there will also be aspects that you won’t. I too am afraid that you will never appear as the same person to your family.

Some will be jealous of your so-called fame. They will not understand why you. Some will think that it is just another line of bullshit that you are trying to sell. Then there are those who will have actually read your book. They will know more intimate details about you than they ever have before. Some will appreciate it. Some will be embarrassed. Some – more than a few – will judge. But then there are those who will want to take this opportunity to counsel with you . . .

. . . You tell me that there will be those who judge me as well. Even in my family? That makes me kind of sad.

In many ways you are a complete stranger to some members of your family. They will resent that you did not share this aspect of yourself with them. Some of them will deny that it can be true because they only know the gregarious side of you. Some will resent that you will have shared your story with complete strangers and not with them. Some will simply deny it all and judge you both as sinner and blasphemer – these in particular like to keep me in a box as well as they will try do with you.

There is nothing I can do in the face of such judgment. I will share what I can with those that I can. I will strive just to be the same old cousin Ricky that they knew. But there is one thing that will be painful – more painful than their judgment. Some will simply be afraid of me.

There are some but they will be very few.

Enough of this discussion. (With sadness in my voice.) Can we move on?

Yes but I want to finish this discussion about your family to remind you that many, many members of your family really do love you. I want to reassure you that what we have discussed here will be the case the first couple of times you visit. Then things will calm down a bit and they will see you as human again.

I am always amazed at the aspects of all of this that I never realize or think about. I am the same person. It is no big deal to me and I forget that it is extraordinary to others. I just realized that my life will never be the same and with that thought I guess I won’t be the same person either.

Very mature of you. But my dear son, as you go through these great changes I will never leave your side.

Please don’t. I could never do it without you. I mean that literally and figuratively.

I will never leave you. I never have.

There are more questions about Oregon on my mind. You wanted to discuss my faith and I got a little off that subject.

Not really. Even as we discuss your family, your faith comes shining through.

Well there is still more to read from 2007. Please remember that I did not make the decision to move to Oregon easily. It was a process and I while I am condensing it, I think is important to share some of the writings that brought me to here.

~ an excerpt from Saturday, August 25, 2007

. . . In many ways I don’t care if I ever share these writings. They are a private conversations between you and I. It is not necessary for others to read them. These writings are really the story of my life. Whatever is going on in my life is shared on these pages. You often bring understanding to the events of my life. On these pages I am able to share my sorrows, my pains, my joys as well as my frustrations, my fears and my doubts . . .

. . . I have wondered if the writings of the last couple of months might be turned into a book. A sort of “How I came to be in Oregon” kind of book. . .

. . . There will be many who will wonder at how you came to be the writer that you are. They would enjoy reading these writings and would be amazed at the process. Many, many will marvel at the process of you becoming you. So many believe that a spiritual leader, a spiritual writer is born to it. So many believe that you must be born of religious or devout parentage to develop such leadership. Others allow that it can be the inspiration of God that creates such leadership. Few consider that anyone – any ordinary man, any ordinary woman – can be formed into such a leader. Your story could be an inspiration to them. You are an ordinary man having an extraordinary experience. Through you, through coming to share in your story – in your real life story – they too come to have an extraordinary experience.

Are you telling me that we are going to complete my book?

I’m saying that your life – like the life of any good spiritual leader – can be an inspiration to others.

I wish that was so.

It is so.

My life has been extraordinary but it has also been equally ordinary. There are aspects of my life that are not inspiring and will draw nothing but judgment and attitude. In fact I think judgment about those aspects will drown out any inspiration. I think you would be better off with someone else as your messenger.

I know that is what you think but you are wrong. You worry about your sexuality. You worry about your relationships. You worry if others will see you only as sinful. You worry that you can somehow hurt my image or my message. You worry that others will only see the faults or so-called sins of your life and fail to see the inspiration. The truth is that some will indeed do that. It is not to these that we write these words. We do not write, we do not speak, to deaf ears. We are writing not only to those who can hear, to those who choose to hear but to those who are eager to hear. I tell you they are eager to hear our words.

Yet I will have to endure the judgment.

Only for awhile. You will deal with these doubters forthrightly. Soon, they will dismiss you as not being worth their bother “to save.” Then your true listeners will embrace you.

I will trust you that this will be the case but I bet I won’t like the process. I know I am very comfortable with the life I have lead. I believe I have come to a place of peace and harmony. I think everyone can achieve this but it is a process of real work – sometimes very painful work. It has been worth the pain. I hope that by sharing my life story that others might be inspired to start their own journey – a journey of self love. . .

. . . Are you telling me that our first book is going to be about self love?

I’m saying that ALL of our books are going to be about self love.

Reallly?

Well, the titles won’t say that. Or at least won’t for a long time. Instead each book will be on different aspects of leading a spiritual life. A real spiritual life. There have been enough pretty books about leading a spiritual life – it’s time for an ugly one.

I spent several minutes laughing at this thought. I even called my cousin and shared this thought and we laughed about it.

Now that I have calmed down, that last statement explains everything. My life is kind of ugly – it is very real but it is ugly compared to most spiritual journeys.

I am glad that you appreciate this. It will be a very good marketing slogan. Instead of “Read any ten pages” it will be “It’s time for an ugly one.” Most of all I am glad you appreciate the humor of it. Of course your life has not felt ugly as you lived it. As you look in detail at certain aspects there certainly has been ugliness. But your life has been real. Your spiritual journey has been and is real. As has been your growth. You have transcended the ugliness to find peace and harmony. . . .

. . . We have spent part of our morning discussing your worry about being judged and my message being overlooked due to that judgment. I have said I am not looking to speak to those ears. I am saying I am looking to speak to those who seek a real spirituality with real life applications of some simple but powerful life principles. These principles I have explained in depth in the Conversations With God cosmology as well as other places. Today people need a real life example to follow. They are tired of trying to lead a perfect life and being dissatisfied and frustrated and not seeing God in the process.

People very much want to have God in their lives. They just don’t like the process. They don’t like the judgment or having got caught up in the judgment process. It is prolific – it is everywhere – from organized religion to politics to government. Yet instinctually they know that I am not judgmental. They logically know it. They simple cannot compute a loving God with a judgmental and punitive God. That isn’t real to them. Their personally experience tells them it can’t be real. So I tell you that they are seeking Reality Spirituality.

It has been difficult to decide what excerpts to include in this article. There are pages and pages on the same subject. God and I often discussed the same subject from many different angles. I am now moving into writings from 2008.

~ an excerpt from Tuesday, July 22, 2008

. . . Even as you receive/write these words you are full of doubt. But, my dear son, the greater news is that you are also full of faith.

I am full of it, all right!

I don’t think I like your implication. You are quite clearly implying that you are full of shit. And by association that I am full of shit.

Such is my faith. You say I am full of it and I feel I am more full doubt. I’m not sure I can believe in the reality of Oregon. I’m sorry but you have told me once too often that I am going to Oregon. It has become almost the anti-dream – the impossible dream. I once had hope of going. I once was looking forward to going. That just isn’t the case anymore.

Yet you remain prepared?

As prepared as you say I am.

Indeed and I say I am continuing to prepare you. Such a move, such a task is no easy thing. I tell you that you would not appreciate it nearly as much if it was easy. I tell you that your audience would not appreciate the significance of such a move if it was easy. I tell you that both you and your audience will marvel at the faith it took to make such a trip. I will further state that your faith remains strong – irregardless of your doubt – irregardless if you underestimate the strength of your faith. I tell you it is as strong as ever.

How can I have so much doubt that I am nearly skeptical about such a move and still be full of faith?

Do you doubt that the all of it is still unfolding?

Yes.

Do you doubt that I will provide your financial freedom?

Yes.

Do you doubt that I will provide for you to live in comfort?

Yes.

Do you doubt that you will move to Oregon?

Yes.

Do you doubt you will receive a book from me?

Yes.

You answer yes, yes, yes and yes. You are so full of doubt that, my dear son, you are presenting yourself as being nearly human. Very few – very, very few people in your place would not have similar doubts. They would question their sanity if they didn’t have such doubts and you my son, don’t doubt your sanity, you doubt your faith.

A faith that is so strong that you have spent significant time reviewing the writings of 2007. A faith so strong that you have pulled excerpts from these writings to post upon your walls – to improve the energy that surrounds you. A faith so strong that you once again are spending time with me. A faith so strong that these communications are flowing once again. This all in spite of your doubts and skepticism.

I seriously believe that my doubt, my skepticism and my lack of faith is what keeps Oregon and writing the book just out of my grasp. It keeps it just a possibility and never a reality. I have known of a book I was to write for over five years. Five years!

And you are not the same man you were five years ago. You are not the man you were a year ago.

In some ways I am not the man I was a month ago.

Indeed. For a month ago, you were not reading or writing.

Let’s be honest – I did so only as a promise to my aunt.

Still an act of faith – no matter how you color it.

I’m just not sure I have what it takes to make such a move.

You have exactly what it takes. This writing proves it. You are a real man leading a real life and a real spirituality. You are full of doubt. You are not afraid to let others see your doubt. You are not afraid to let me see your doubt. You are not afraid to allow yourself to doubt.

I am sure my doubt will prevent it all from coming to reality.

Doubt is not a negative energy – regardless of what some so called positive-thinkers teach. Doubt is a very real emotion. It is not negative but opaque. It is very hard to see through doubt. Your doubt is based in reality and as such is not a bad thing. As I asked you a series of questions earlier about doubt, let me ask what you are willing to do. . . .

You would be willing to leave your ex-wife, your girlfriend, your friends – both spiritual and otherwise – to move to Oregon?

Yes.

You would be willing to leave your job to make such a move?

Yes.

You would be willing to leave your present home, pack up and move your household into storage and move to Oregon – even as you don’t know where and how you will live?

Yes. I still believe that Brother Mountain will assist me.

I am glad you have not lost faith in Brother Mountain even if you have in me.

I have not lost faith in you but in my mission.

To the contrary, your answers do not indicate that.

Once you found a place to live in Oregon would you be willing to devote six to eight months of your life to a writing process? Even if this meant you would need to live in semi-solitude without contact with family and friends?

Yes.

Even as you don’t know what you would receive?

Yes.

Even if such a writing process included sharing intimate portions of your life? Even if it meant sharing these many writings that do not always put you in the best light?

Yes.

Even if the book is never published or brings you fame and fortune?

Would others have access to it and benefit from it?

Yes.

Then, Yes.

What if the exact opposite happened? What if it was published and it did become a well-known – even a bestseller? What if others sought you out to learn more from you? And because of all of this you did improve your fortune?

A little daunting to think about, but yes.

What if because of this book and others, you became known as a spiritual leader? What if you were outed as such, not only to the world but to your co-workers, family and friends?

Would this outing be by your words or mine?

Mine.

Again daunting, but yes.

What if in this writing process I outed you as not just a receiver of my words but declared you not just a receiver or a spiritual leader but as a divine messenger onto the world – a great and mighty messenger? What if I declared you as a prophet onto the world – one to be well listened to?

I would do my best to suggest that you not do that.

But if I did so declare it in our book process, would you dutifully receive and record it? No matter how it made you squirm?

Even understanding how difficult it would make my life – yes. I also wish to acknowledge how blessed it would make my life.

My dear son, you answered yes, yes and yes to some very difficult questions. Questions that covered the very real changes that could come to your life if our book was to be a bestseller.

It is easy to answer yes when you don’t think the money is going to show up.

In the writings of 2007 we discussed at length the many changes that will come to your life.

Even before then. I believe I am as prepared as I can be. You have worked very hard to prepare me. I am not naive enough to believe I am truly prepared for the changes. I believe I am prepared enough that the events/experience s won’t overwhelm me. That doesn’t mean I won’t be whelmed by it all, just not overwhelmed to the point I can’t act. I believe that all of this preparedness is only meant to enable me to act. . . .

. . . I want you to review the list of actions you said yes to in this writing.

In the details of all the questions, I have answered yes over thirty times.

Yes indeed. Over thirty yes’s. And within the yes’s is a further thirty upon thirty details that you are answering yes to. I will say it again: such is your faith.

It is easy to answer yes to questions that are basically rhetorical.

I tell you that others – even well meaning, very spiritual people – could not answer yes to all that those questions implied. It’s just too much, it is just too grand.

In actuality they would not have received the questions in the first place. If they had received them, then eighty percent – yes a full eighty percent – would have edited them out. For these questions make you, the receiver, too grandiose. It would appear to some that the receiver thinks far too much of himself/herself. So they would have edited them out.

I receive what I receive and I know I can edit them out later.

When was the last time you edited me?

This afternoon.

I’m not talking about typo’s and grammar corrections. When was the last time you edited me for content?

I have hemmed and hawed often enough. I have refused to receive/record until I negotiated an agreement with you that I could indeed edit out the content.

In those cases it is often in an effort to protect your privacy or more often than not the privacy of others. You receive what you receive and often don’t care what light it puts you in. You have more often than not been greatly embarrassed by my words of praise and heaven forbid if I should place too grand of a title on you. I will remind you that you and I have argued over those titles.

Titles! Titles! Yes, I have argued over them even as I have also wrote them down as I received them.

I can remember when just calling you a spiritual leader would have caused you to cringe.

In the face of it all, it is easy enough to accept being called a spiritual leader.

Well spiritual leader works much better than writer/teacher/leader.

True enough but still, it is a title bestowed by you.

Just one of the titles I put upon you.

Like the yoke upon the ox.

I sincerely hope you do not see them as a burden.

Think what you wish.

You see them as a burden?

Let’s say they come with responsibilities – grave responsibilities – and with very real consequences.

They are meant to declare how I see you so that others can see you in the same light.

If others see me as you see me, then I am blessed. There are far too many who will use the words, the titles to condemn me.

Small minded fools.

Perhaps. Troublesome nonetheless.

True enough. It has always amazed me – down through all of time – that the naysayers have never gotten the simple fact: that no one would choose to call themselves my messenger. They would not choose to declare themselves my divine messenger and their messages the Word of God. No one would choose to call themselves my prophet. No one would choose to address themselves as the son of God.

Is it not obvious that the writer/receiver is very aware of the trouble such declarations could cause? You would think just that thought would give the naysayers pause. A pause that would be well used to simply ask: What if it were true? But instead of pause, it often seems to have driven them to just kill the messenger.

My son, it is not to the naysayers that I will be speaking to when we write our book. It is only upon kinder and gentler ears that my words will fall. But remember that the naysayers have their place for they bring attention to a message that others would simply ignore.

I am aware of all that is implied within your many questions and I am still willing.

Such is the faith of a divine messenger. It is not how well the message is received but how well it is sent.

Or in our case it is both. (smiling)

(Chuckling) Quite right. For the message can not be sent if you don’t first receive it. Quite accurately receive it, I might add. You do this so well that you take it for granted.

Actually, I wish I was better at receiving.

Amazing! Absolutely amazing! There are those reading this that marvel at the fluidity and flow of these many writings and you wish you were better. I tell you there are those who would give up their prayer beads to be able to communicate with me in this manner.

If they took up their pens in one hand and their prayer beads in the other, they might be surprised at what they would receive.

Perfectly expressed. Just as you doubt that the money will ever show up, they doubt they will receive the Word of God.

It is but a skill easily learned and with frequent practice, they too would see the ink flow on page upon page.

Page upon edited page. Few are as honest with themselves as you are. Few are willing to put themselves in a bad light or to put me in a position that is not perfect. Few are willing to accurately record my message less the word damn fuck up their personal vision of me.

An open mind and an open heart is all it takes.

Indeed.

I am still learning how to receive. At times these writings flow like water from a boot. At other times, they come in short spurts and I must concentrate to receive the message.

Regardless of the syntax, you record what you receive. Even if it does not just put you in a bad light but myself as well. I tell you – I cannot express it enough – you allow me to be me – you record what you record – and damn the torpedoes – you record every swear word I choose to express.

It is no big deal.

IT IS A BIG DEAL! It’s important to me. I enjoy communicating with you because you do not confine me to a certain image.

It would be difficult to confine God.

Nonsense. People do it all the time. With good intentions, and not such good intentions. They want to very clearly identify me so they can identify me in the future. Should I appear in a different manner then they will declare me to be not God and apply a different label on me. I have been declared to be the devil for they have failed to recognize me because I steeped out of their confinement. Oh yes, they quite clearly feel that I can not only be confined but should be confined.

Yet here we sit talking, so it seems you have slipped their confinement.

As you so dearly love to say as well as how I have been blessed by you: you have let me out of the box.

I have come to love you so much more than the God-in-the-box.

Yep. Every time someone lets me out of the confines of someone else’s idea of who and what I am, they discover the real me. They learn to love me, and my blessed son, the real joy of that, the real miracle of that is they come to love themselves as well.

This is so true. In my own case, I love myself more when I am writing with you.

I am pleased to announce that you love yourself more than you ever have in your life. Not that there isn’t still room for improvement. You beat yourself up far too often. You accept the compliments and the love of others much more often than you ever have – but you still catch yourself questioning if they are being honest and true or just trying to be nice.

I have tried to more fully accept their sentiments for I realized that I was not honoring them by questioning their sentiment.

You have come to trust love more often.

A very difficult thing for me to do.

It takes great courage to allow oneself to be vulnerable. Love can make a heart throb and it can cause it to ache but without it – a heart just dries up – and dies. There is far too little love in the world.

As the song says: ♫ What the world needs now is love sweet love. ♫

There is never enough. And it all begins with self love. Love thyself first. This is the greatest commandment. Love thyself first. The first commandment was never meant to be Love God first. For I do not need love. I am perfect in all ways and therefore need and want for nothing. I do not need devotion. Or worship. Or love. It does not mean I cannot accept them or appreciate them, just that I do not need or want them. Love thyself first. Love yourself as I love you – whole heartedly, unconditionally. Judge yourself less, love thyself more. More I say. More. Love thyself more! I do not judge you – I love you. Judge less, love more.

I strive to do so more and more each day.

Strive harder!

Ok. Ok.

I will remind you of how much judgment you place on yourself about doubting that all will come to pass as I have predicted.

Yes I do judge myself harshly. As I am being honest about it – I will also acknowledge that I am probably going to continue to do so. I will say this writing has helped me to accept that my doubt is a perfectly human thing to be doing. I will also acknowledge that my doubt is not an indication of the strength of my faith or lack thereof.

Indeed. Tonight you have demonstrated that you have faith beyond your doubt. Not just a faith but a great empowering faith that cannot but help to manifest great things. Great things, my son, great things.

Stand by for great things!
Greatness is happening!

My dear and beloved son,
Keep the faith.

Amen.

I know this has grown much longer than I thought but there is one more excerpt I would like to share before I conclude with my last thoughts.

~ an excerpt from Wednesday, July 30, 2008

. . . You are even stepping into your role as spiritual leader.

Reluctantly.

Yes. Reluctantly.

There is part of me which would rather remain an ordinary man.

You are an ordinary man. An extraordinary ordinary man. It is why I use you as my messenger.

An ordinary man as in not being an author, messenger or spiritual leader.

Is that what you want?

No, not really. Sometimes the process of becoming a messenger and a spiritual leader is too difficult. It can be daunting. I continually ask myself: why me?

In these moments you are questioning your faith.

Yes, yes, I am. I question if I have faith enough to do all that is set before me.

Faith enough to leave your job, you mean.

That’s what it gets down to, I guess. It’s easy enough amongst my family and spiritual peers to say I am your messenger. I even hint at it while at work. I don’t mind being called your messenger within the privacy of our writings although I think of myself more as a receiver than a messenger. I don’t deliver your message, I just receive it.

Have I asked you to deliver a message and you refused to do so?

Having this ability and being as prolific as we are and then not sharing these writings is the same thing. Is it not?

I have not asked you to share them beyond the extent that I have. You shared them perfectly with your beloved friend. They even served to remind her of her own actions. Thus you were and are my messenger.

There are so many people in my life who have no idea what I am about. As if this is some great secret or worse – that I am ashamed of this ability.

You really have got yourself wrapped up in doubt. You are not only doubting me, now you are doubting yourself.

I do get the “why me” thing. I get that I am ordinary and even get that I am an extraordinary ordinary man. I get that I am listening and recording. I am also aware I am far from being a righteous man. I can see how all this can end disastrously. I can see how I could be an embarrassment to you.

Now you’re worried about my image?

It is ironic to be worried about your image. For me to damage your image I first would have to receive our book, it has to be published, it has to become read enough that it is taken seriously enough to question its content and me. For all that to happen, I will have had to leave my job and move to Oregon. Or maybe not – certainly we have discussed that I could receive the book here while I continue to work.

I am glad you see the irony.

I doubt that I am the right man for the job.

I don’t have the right man. I have the perfect man. Perfect, I tell you. We recently discussed that there is nothing but perfection. You are perfect for the job because I say you are perfect. Complete with all your faults, all of your unrighteousness, and with all your doubts. You are perfect. Of this there is no doubt. Not in my mind. Not in my heart.

You are my messenger because I have declared it so. You did not volunteer or seek the job. I appointed you. Others will see that I have not only appointed you but that I have anointed you. You are my beloved. Let no man put asunder what I have brought together.

I have no doubt they will put it asunder, all right. They will do so gleefully.

Yes, my son, there are those who will gleefully try to tear you apart. There are those within the media who will “crucify” you. But as a mighty fortress my message will stand. Again it is not how well my message is received but how well it is sent.

I don’t know if I have answered the question How is it to your satisfaction or not. I hope that you have seen that I have had the same doubts, the same questions that you have had. I have tried to share some of the answers that I have received from God. By now you either believe or don’t believe that I am indeed a Messenger of God. There are hundreds of others pages that I could share to support my claim but if you do not believe now, then sharing every page I have received will not convince you.

I said I wasn’t going to share any more excerpts, but there is one more that I think I should share. It is from yesterday. During this week, I have had a crisis of faith. Not because I am not writing/receiving but because I am. I clearly know the consequences of what I have set in motion by declaring myself as a Messenger of God, as a Prophet and as a Spiritual Leader. There is no going back.

~ an excerpt from Saturday, April 4, 2009

So you’re saying that people have problems balancing the fun-loving Rick with the God’s Messenger Rick?

Well, they can see that there is a serious side to you that they were never aware of.

But?

They see that the fun-loving Rick was also a rather “sinful” Rick. They have a great deal of difficulty balancing the idea that it is okay to live an unrighteous life and also talk to God.

Are you telling me that you want me to live a more righteous life?

I am telling you that there is an expectation from the reading public that if you are going to communicate on the behalf of God – then you must live a righteous life.

I think that is an unrealistic expectation. Few have been able to live up to it. Which is why we find it scandalous when our spiritual leaders fail to live up to our expectations. I have never preached for the reading public to live a righteous life and/or held up my life as an example of how to do so. I state quite clearly that I have not done so. Nor do I expect them to do so.

Yet you say that you speak on behalf of God.

No. I say God speaks through me. More than this I have repeatedly said that they should find their own truth.

Yet you offer up what you receive as the truth.

The truth as I have received it. But it remains a truth. The bottom line to my message is that I have, do have, an extraordinary relationship/experience with you. If I, as I have lived, can have such a relationship with God – then anyone can. If I am worthy – everyone is worthy to talk to God.

Please say that again. Concisely. Say it again.

I am worthy to talk to God.

Again.

I am worthy to talk to God. I know there was a time when I did not think so, but I am worthy. Just as I am. Just as I was. Just as I will be. I do not pretend to be a righteous man. I do live by a certain set of principles but they may not be the same set of moral principles that others choose to live by. I try to treat everyone with honor. While I am worthy to talk to God – I am not more worthy than anyone else. I sincerely believe that anyone can talk to God in a similar fashion.

You don’t think that you are better at this than most people?

Yes I do. I do think that it I have honed this skill. That does not make me more worthy – it makes me more skilled. If anyone will spend the hours upon hours communicating with you that I have – then they too would be as well skilled. Further – if they would give you the freedom to be whoever you want to be – they too would experience God as I have.

These paragraphs answer why you make such a great messenger. You are honestly and truly humble. While what you do is a magnificent as it is holy – it is your firm belief that any one can do this.

If I can – anyone can.

You sit in a pasture in Oregon receiving this message and sincerely believe anyone can do this.

They can.

Correct. They can. In fact, I know that you would willingly and joyfully show them how.

I would.

Now let me say a few words to this.

Okay?

My son, just because anyone can do as you do; does not mean they would. I tell you that I have given many the opportunity to communicate with me in a like fashion and they have not chosen to do so. In fact, some have rejected doing so.

This is due to their own worthiness issues.

In some cases, but I tell you that even among my most devoted faithful, this skill has been rejected. For one simple reason. Courage. They have lacked the courage to do so. And I will further say that even amongst my most devoted receivers – they would not share their messages.

For the very same reasons that I have been overwhelmed this week. I am no different – I have not yet shared these messages.

But you are here now. You are facing the consequences – you have accurately seen the reaction to declaring yourself to be my messenger – and you have said: “I will finish. Succeed or fail – I will continue.”

It is my soul’s desire.

It is your soul’s desire.

That is the very reason why this skill is often rejected. People fear they too will be asked to do as I have done and few of them would have their lives so exposed.

Correct. They lack the courage to act.

I don’t have the courage – in fact, I am a coward. Which is the reason I have felt so overwhelmed this week. I am a coward. But, my dear God, -- I do have the faith to see this through. Come what may – I will see it through.

Amen. With that statement, there can be little doubt why I – again and again – declare you to be My Messenger.

There is one other reason beyond my faith – I love you.

And I love you.

I pray that others may know you as I know you.

Amen.

And Amen.


Whether or not you can now accept that maybe, just maybe I really am a Messenger of God, I hope that you can respect the faith it has taken to walk this path.

And now I come back to the question I asked you to think about at the start of this article.

What would you do if you could hear the Voice of God?